by David McGuffin | Aug 9, 2008 | Adventures in Tour Guiding, Experiencing Europe
Traveling in Europe for the last thirty years has given me a virtual catalogue of bathroom stories, but perhaps the most interesting one goes like this…
I was at a restaurant along the Autostrade in Italy where we’d made a stop for lunch. These restaurants are located conveniently every fifty kilometers or so along the major highways in Europe. They have great food, either from a buffet or from a selection of fresh-made sandwiches, and they offer clean bathrooms. When making a tour bus stop, the first thing everyone does is rush off the bus and head to the bathroom. These restaurants (branded as Autogrill) usually have the bathrooms downstairs which are maintained by a female attendant who keeps the bathrooms sort of spotlessly clean. This “cleanliness” usually comes with a compulsory fee of fifty to eighty euro cents per visit to the toilet, but it’s a small price to pay for a clean toilet!
Well, this particular day, the restrooms were booming with business and the lady attendant was having a tough time keeping up with collecting her “tip” and keeping the bathrooms clean. So when I went downstairs and deposited my change in her dish, I noticed the ladies’ line for the toilet was about twenty deep. There was no wait for the men’s room, which I guess you ladies will say is typical.
I walked in the men’s room and headed for the urinal which was just a ceramic tiled trough against the wall. It was “backed up” with guys “going” so I did have to wait here! While waiting, there was a commotion in the hallway. Women were speaking loudly in rapid-fire Italian. only some of which I could understand. But the general tone and message was, “We’re not waiting out here any more, let’s overtake the men’s room!” Moments later, the men’s room was invaded by several Italian women looking for an open stall. Well I had to go, and now it was my turn! So up I stepped, down with the zipper, and …uhmm you get it, right? OK, now I was ready to go, but all the confusion behind me had caused a momentary “blockage.” So there I stood doing nothing! Concentrating real hard and focusing on the wall right in front of me, I began to go… relief! Then to my horror, I felt something hitting my shoes. Had I missed?
Looking down I saw a grey mop being swished back and forth between my feet, and behind me holding the handle was the lady attendant going about her business of keeping the toilets tidy!
In my next post I’ll give you some practical tips about using Toilets, Tubs, and Bidets.
-David
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by David McGuffin | Jul 27, 2008 | Adventures in Tour Guiding
I’ve been writing about my experiences planning and leading tours in Europe. This was brought on by a friend asking, upon my return from a month of leading tours in Europe, how I liked my recent “vacation”. Don’t get me wrong, traveling and leading tours in Europe is a blast and I wouldn’t do it if I did not really enjoy myself. But, there is a lot of work in it too. In the previous episodes of this series, I’ve chronicled my most memorable adventures in Paris.
PARIS- There’s a lot to see in Paris. I’ve been there countless times yet I always seem to find or do something new with each visit. However, for the first-time visitor there is a menu of must-see-sights in Paris that have to be “checked-off” their list before going on to other things. Everyone organizes their tour differently, but here is how we deal with the sights on our two-day in Paris itinerary.
Day 1- Arrive in Paris, hotel check-in. Metro to Montmartre and visit the Sarce Cour, Pigalle, Place Abyasee, and Moulin rouge sight. Metro to Rue Cler neighborhood for dinner. Walk under the Eiffel Tower to the Seine River, take a one-hour boat cruise on the river. Walk to the Trocadero (with great views of the Eiffel Tower) and Metro back to our hotel.
Day 2- Breakfast at the hotel. Metro to the Latin Quarter. Visit the Notre Dame Cathedral. Visit the Latin Quarter and Il’ St. Louis. Have lunch in the area. Visit the Louvre after lunch with a local guide. Walk from the Louvre to the Champs Elysees. Wander and shop. Metro to the Cambronne area and visit the Monoprix supermarket for picnic supplies. Picnic under the Eiffel tower on the Champs du Mars. Then about one hour before dark, ascend the Eiffel Tower for a great sunset view of the city of Light! Return to the hotel by Metro.
So you can see that’s a pretty busy two days, but at least it gives the first time visitor an overview of the big sights.
by David McGuffin | Jul 16, 2008 | Adventures in Tour Guiding
I’ve been writing about my experiences planning and leading tours in Europe. This was brought on by a friend at church asking me how I liked my recent “vacation” there. Don’t get me wrong, traveling in Europe is a blast and I wouldn’t do it if I did not really enjoy myself. But, there is a lot of work in it too. In the previous episodes I’ve collected the group from the airport, gotten them on a bus, traveled to Paris, unloaded the bus in heavy traffic, gotten them checked into the hotel, headed out on foot, gotten onto the metro, and now we are exploring the city.
We are now on a bridge, and we can see that the Seine River is flanked on both sides by broad and busy streets loaded with traffic at all hours of the day. The death of Princess Diana in 1997 made the entire world aware of the topography of Paris. There are actually 35 bridges crossing the Seine and we were able to make it to safety. From here, we’ve got a grand view of the Trocadero and the imposing Eiffel Tower. As impressive as it is, our goal is not the Eiffel Tower just yet because we’re headed down to the river for a cruise along the Seine.
I get the tickets with no problem and the “delay” on the streets has allowed us to have no wait-time for embarkation. So, we pile onto the boat with three hundred other Parisian tourists. The intent of the Paris boat tours is to illuminate the major sights along the Seine with gigantic “search” lights while providing pre-recorded narration in eight languages. While this is a great city overview and orientation, it is really touristy. Hence the hoards of Japanese tourists who have just overtaken us in the cue to get on board.
Now don’t get me wrong, I’ve got nothing against the Japanese people. But when twenty or more of them get together in a “tour group”, it’s usually pretty entertaining. To begin with, the travel shops back in Japan must make a load of money. I mean, is there a common dress code for tourists in Japan or what? Their “uniform” consists of khaki pants, a solid colored shirt, a khaki “photographer’s” vest with lots of pockets, and a fold-up bucket hat. It does not matter whether they are men or women because they dress practically the same. Although, the women usually tend to dress up their outfit with a nice scraf or piece of jewelery. Hanging around their necks are many assortments of camera equipment. Some have as many as three different cameras weighting them down! Not only do they dress alike, but they must be given a stern warning by their tour guide to stay together. By all means don’t get in the group’s way… Should you get caught up in their path, you’ll have no choice but to move along with them like a flock of birds until you can work your way to an edge of the pack and get out. It is good that most Japanese people are short because should one get caught up in a stampede, it’s quite possible to alert your friends of the situation by looking back over the group’s heads and yelling for help!
Finally we get on the boat, find some nice comfy seats up on the top deck, and we shove off. Down the river we go with narration booming in eight languages over the PA system. This is a great ride! What a good way to become oriented to the city and its sights. After about five minutes the Japanese group finally makes it up to the top deck with us. They must have had some difficulty navigating the narrow steps as a group because many of them had a panicked look on their face. Soon I find that its not a look of panic at all, but a look of sheer delight. This is a photographer’s paradise! Fancy bridges, elaborate buildings, the Eiffel Tower, Notre Dame Cathedral, and a multitude of well-known sights are just too much of a temptation. Every one of the Japanese scurry from one side of the boat to the other to get a perfect photo. There also must be a rule that someone should strike a dramatic pose for every picture taken! My gosh, I have never seen so many people “hamming it up” in one place.
This becomes entertaining for me and my tour. In fact, the Japanese show might be more interesting than the sights passing by. Soon our groups begins to join in the fun by pointing to meaningless objects. We decide to coordinate our efforts and soon we are pointing out an empty grocery cart on the riverbank, making a lot of oooo’s and ahhh’s, just to entice the Japanese to run to our side of the boat so they’ll not miss anything. Here they come, cameras flashing, scampering to strike the perfect pose, and then they join in with the ooo’s and ahhh’s too. This is all for a silly grocery cart on the riverbank! You can only imagine the response when at ten o’clock the Eiffel Tower begins its twinkling light show. Now we all look up with amazement with oooo’s and ahhh’s spilling from our mouths in sheer delight! Paris never ceases to amaze me! OOooo…..
(more to come)
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by David McGuffin | Jul 14, 2008 | Adventures in Tour Guiding
I’ve been writing about my experiences planning and leading tours in Europe. This was brought on by a friend at church asking me how I liked my recent “vacation” there. Don’t get me wrong, traveling in Europe is a blast and I wouldn’t do it if I did not really enjoy myself. But, there is a lot of work in it too. In the previous episodes I’ve collected the group from the airport, gotten them on a bus, traveled to Paris, unloaded the bus in heavy traffic, gotten them checked into the hotel, and headed out on foot to see the sights. Now it’s time to get off the metro and explore the city.
It turns out to be a success! Can you believe it? We all made it via metro to the same place, gotten off together, and now the group is standing on the platform waiting for me to tell them which way to go. I figured this would be a good teaching moment, so we have a lesson in French. Sortie means EXIT, Correspondance means the way to another metro line. We want to get out of there, so we go towards Sortie.
Up the escalator, then up one flight of stairs, and we finally get out into the fresh Parisian air…
Popping out of the depths of a subway and into a new locale has always been an adventure for me. There’s something about going from darkness to light that just adds to the adventure. So, no matter what city I’m in, if I have a tour group I try to maximize the effect by choosing a “wow” moment for our subway exit. In Paris there are many, but today I choose the Trocadero Metro exit to help me work the magic of Paris.
So out we come into the bright sunlight and I have my twenty-odd followers all intent on not loosing sight of me. After going up the stairs, out the exit, and through the gauntlet of “vendors of worthless crap”, there it was… the Eiffel Tower! It was right there in front of us just begging to be photographed. The group who would not leave my sight twenty seconds earlier now abandon all thought of staying together, and all I can do is try to corral them just for a second to give a rendezvous time and place. Once that is established, off they go to snap photos, purchase little flying birdies from the vendors, and make their way down the hill to the bridge below where we are to meet.
Thirty minutes later, we all arrive at the bridge. I take a quick head count, noting that everyone is present and accounted for, and then we take our lives in our hands as we traverse the first group street-crossing of our tour. Now you might think, “What’s the big deal about crossing a street?” But you try it sometime with twenty-something people who come from places where they may have never had an occasion to cross a huge street on foot! So eventually, the little green man appears on the “walk” sign and off they go.
Halfway across I see panic in one lady’s eyes as she realizes that for a Parisian motorist, a red light is only a suggestion to slow down and has nothing to do with actually stopping at all. The lady freezes in her tracks, then decides to retreat in the opposite direction. Confused, the motorist lays on his horn in a long blast as if he has done nothing wrong and tries to brake, but not quite soon enough. I look on in panic as I see this unfold before my eyes. The only good thing is that the motorist is driving a SMART CAR which is about the size of a big shoe. He almost comes to a complete halt in time, but not quite. As if in slow motion, I watched as the little car makes contact with the woman. It’s not too bad, but the lady looses the battle and plops to the pavement as the car eventually comes to a halt. Almost in one motion, the lady pops back up and the man jumps out of his car. They both meet in front of the vehicle and he says, “I’m sorry!” while she is saying, “It’s ok I’m not hurt.” I run out and ask the only thing I can think of at the moment, “Are you ok!?” How lame is that… I’ve just seen a lady attacked by a SMART CAR and all I can come up with is, “Are you ok?”
In the end, the lady only suffered a couple of bruises. The driver and the lady, after a few moments of heart-pounding stress, both exchange business cards and email addresses. Who knows…maybe they’ll hook up someday! Ahhh, only in Paris.
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by David McGuffin | Jul 12, 2008 | Adventures in Tour Guiding
I’ve been writing about my experiences planning and leading tours in Europe. This was brought on by a friend at church asking me how I liked my recent “vacation” there. Don’t get me wrong, traveling in Europe is a blast and I wouldn’t do it if I did not really enjoy myself. But, there is a lot of work in it too. In the previous episodes I’ve collected the group from the airport, gotten them on a bus, traveled to Paris, unloaded the bus in heavy traffic, and gotten them checked into the hotel. Now, several hours later, we head out on foot to see the sights.
I’m a firm believer in providing travel skill lessons at every location we visit. In Paris, this means learning how to read a map and how to get around on the metro. You’d be surprised at how many people have never taken any form of public transportation in the USA. So initial exposure to the subway is an intimidating experience for many.
OK, picture this… off I go walking down a crowded sidewalk with twenty-five people in tow. After a few blocks, they stretch out for almost an entire block. I’m often accused of walking too fast, but I really have tried to deliberately slowdown in recent years. Still, it is impossible to all stay together. The sights, sounds, and smells of Paris bombard us from every angle. Dead chickens with their heads still attached attract attention in the butcher shop. A window full of smelly cheeses draws those with sensitive noses. A guy on the street corner holds out a copy of the free daily metro newspaper… and everyone is afraid to take it from him. The hot breeze from a kabab shop hits us broadside as we walk by. Finally, we arrive at the metro entrance.
Hurriedly, I gather my group to one side and explain the Metro system showing them on their maps where we are now and where we are going to go. Then with a big sigh I say, “Let’s all try to stay together and get on the same car.” So down into the Metro we go.
There is always one person, you know the type, where if anything can go wrong it will go wrong with them. So we all get through the metro turnstile and I look back to find one of our group members who can’t get his ticket to work. Hurriedly I fight the incoming crowd, feeling like a salmon swimming upstream, trying to assist the guy with putting his ticket in right-side-up. Ahhh… all is ok, we’re in!
Down the stairs, then an escalator, and finally we arrive on the platform. The big yellow line clearly marks the don’t not cross boundaries… or at least I thought so. Groups are unique when it comes to standing and waiting for something. Where most people simply find a spot out of the way and wait, a group tends to bunch up in wads. I don’t know if this is because they feel there is safety in a wad, or maybe it is just because they want to talk to one another. Regardless of the reason they always stand in a wad, cross the yellow line, and jam the walkway. Check it out the next time you’re in a group and see!
When the train arrives my group gets anxious, so I shout out, ” Get on this train. Remember, three stops and get off!” I take one last look on the platform to make sure everyone’s in, the buzzer sounds alerting imminant departure, I step on, and off we go….
(to be continued)
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by David McGuffin | Jul 11, 2008 | Adventures in Tour Guiding
Recently, I’ve been writing about my experiences planning and leading tours in Europe. This was brought on by a friend at church asking me how I liked my recent “vacation”. Don’t get me wrong, traveling in Europe is a blast and I would not do it if I did not really enjoy myself, but there is a lot of work to it too. In the previous episodes, I’ve collected the group from the airport, gotten them on a bus, traveled to Paris, and unloaded the bus in heavy traffic. Now we are piled into the hotel lobby waiting to get room keys.
As we walk through the lobby, the guests at the bar (invariably French businessmen or vacationing Europeans) look at the the sea of people and suitcases with amusement. I often wonder what they are thinking… Do they pity me? Do they wish they had visited a bar down the street? Or maybe it’s just that they want a pair of those bright white tennis shoes! At any rate, I make my way to the hotel reception desk, speak with a clerk, and with relative ease get our electronic key cards and hand them out. As I send my friends on their way to their rooms, I tell them, “We’ll meet here in the lobby at 5:00 p.m. and will be out the rest of the night”. Also, I remind them to “Be sure to bring a sweater, an umbrella, and wear your money belt”.
Thinking all is finished, I grab my bag and head to the stairs. Just then, I hear a comotion from around the corner and find my entire group crowded in the tiny elevator lobby waiting to get to their rooms. Remember the coffin-sized elevator at the airport? Well, this one is coffin-sized for a midget! It will take an hour to get all these people and their luggage upstairs. Consequently, I begin telling the younger ones to take the stairs. Meanwhile, a couple get on the elevator, the doors close, and off they go. We wait, and wait, and wait. Finally, the doors open and there stands the exact same people who left minutes ago! The lady is confused because she was told her room number 333 was on the third floor. They went three floors up, held the elevator door, looked around, and found only rooms with numbers in the two hundreds. “Can’t they count around here!” she exclaims. “Well uhmmm, I forgot to tell you that the first floor is really zero, and the second floor is really the first,” I say weakly. “So your room is really four floors up”. Off they go again, and so begins the elevator overuse. I walk away to the sound of the elevator overload alarm buzzing through the lobby.
Thirty minutes later I’ve dropped my bags in my room, checked all the floors where my group’s rooms are located, and it appears everyone is in! I grab my journal and head down to the lobby bar for a much needed drink. Just as I get my pen out and open my journal, one of the ladies appears from the midget-sized elevator, marches over to the reception desk, and speaks to the clerk. I can’t hear what’s going on, but I know she’s not happy with something. Reluctantly I get up and go over to offer my assistance, only to find that she has gotten her answer and doesn’t like it. It seems that the shower is too small, the air conditioning does not work, and the bed is too low to the floor. The clerk ducks her head and rolls her eyes as I tell my client that this hotel has no air conditioning, the showers are small all over Europe, and the beds are typically low to the ground so people can fall into them, not climb into them. She replies, “I know you said it would be different, but I didn’t expect this!” Then, I guided her towards the bar and ordered her a nice cool glass of Chablis. As we sipped I began talking about what I love about Paris, the Champs Elysees, Eiffel Tower, neighborhood markets, and the solitude of the Place des Voges. The wine and my descriptions seemed to change her tone. As she left for her “small’ room, she said she wouldn’t mind “falling into her bed” after a good French dinner!
(more to come)
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